you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
only you would photoshop your dick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
