Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
