6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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