Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
