My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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