Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
