um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
