No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
