I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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