Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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