An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
