No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
