Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
