3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
