I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
