She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
