I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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