Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
