Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
