At least make sure they are 18
Why
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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