Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
