Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
