I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
