Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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