As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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