What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
