I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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