if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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