I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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