i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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