I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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