i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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