Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
