lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
