Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
