Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he quoted the bible to break up with me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
