Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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