i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
