Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
