Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
