omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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