if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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