we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
