First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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