i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
