I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
