So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
