My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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