this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
