its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
