Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
