Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
