So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
