You're completely useless in the revolution.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
